How I denounced the Gospel and how returned back

First, a little theology:

Preachers say that the mind of a human is in his soul or spirit, specifically, that conscience is in spirit. That is a false teaching. Bible says that branding the head with hot iron can damage proper conscience: (1Tim. 4:2) “through the hypocrisy of men who speak lies, branded in their own conscience as with a hot iron” and thus a man is ruled by the brain accordingly Bible. A human is his brain, well accordingly science. But what is the soul then? In my opinion, the soul is a heavenly backup of a human brain, just like a computer backup. Then it all goes logical: People’s mind, including feelings and the consience, decisions for good and bad, etc. are just functions of his brain; but people have an eternal soul that continues even after death.

Not that because of “For whoever will be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man also will be ashamed of him, when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels” (Mk. 8:38). “For whoever will be ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the Son of Man be ashamed, when he comes in his glory, and the glory of the Father, and of the holy angels” (Lk. 9:26) I was saying about myself that I am a sectarian and religious fanatic, to be hated by everybody. So only a very spiritual lawyer like me would behave.

So, in childhood for following the Gospel as I understood it, I was repeatedly beaten by the head. I went mad for some period of time. It is no joke to go mad. You won’t be a “good madman” if you are hit by the head, it is evil. So, I had to conclude that following the Gospel makes me worse. Moreover, I was greatly confused, because Baptists taught me that the mind is in the soul (variant: in the spirit). Does hit by the head damage the soul? If I do a sin after being so beaten, will I be punished by God for this sin?

To make the moral problem more complex, I was dying of hunger for following the Gospel. On the streets while eating grass, I (being a first-year student of a university) discovered a new formula. Should I kill myself by following the Gospel and deprive mankind of the formula? Or should I denounce the Gospel to survive and help people?

Years later keeping to think about this I concluded: the Gospel is a letter and a law and the Gospel itself tells not to follow the letter and the law. Therefore the Gospel terminates itself as a contract.

I told God that I terminate the New Testament with Him. I found many reasons why it should and can be terminated in the New Testament itself.

I remind that I was a spiritual “lawyer” and such people are under the anger of God: (Gal. 3:10) “For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continues not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them.” I came out of this curse: I was no more in the danger of death from hunger. But I didn’t enter into a blessing: I remained alone without any help. Trying to get away from the Gospel, I started, for example, to gaze at women. I became unspiritual.

I concluded that I am first among the brothers (will take the best place in heaven). I reasoned that I passed the entire “distance” of the Gospel and came to the end. I even suspected that all the rest people will go to hell for not believing me.

Continuing my theological “development” further, I decided to stop the Eucharist: (Mt. 26:39) “And he having going forward, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass away from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as you will.” But I Corinthians 11:25 explains “This cup is the new testament in my blood.” I decided that I will do the will of the Father instead of the will of Christ. Therefore the will of the Father came and the cup of Eucharist shall pass away from Christ (we shall stop taking the eucharist).

I also concluded that we can lie: Christ is the truth and serving Christ we must always tell the truth, but I serve to the Father God, that is love, I should instead follow love, not truth.

But trying to do so, I was greatly confused (for example, should I do good for mankind or for Christ by eliminating the mankind that they to stop taking eucharist). Should I, for example, be for or against global warming?

I remind that I became unspiritual, gazed at women, etc.

Recently, I have understood that I don’t really follow the will of the Father. Therefore my argument that the cup of eucharist is away is void. This cup is the New Testament in His blood, therefore the New Testament yet continues. I decided to return to the church. (Now is the epidemic of the corona-virus and I cannot right now, but I decided to return to the church when I can.)

In fact, the will of the Father will be done after 1000 years of the Millennium kingdom, when Christ will deliver his authority to the Father: (1Cor. 15:24) “Then comes the end, when he shall have delivered up the kingdom to God, even the Father; when he shall have put down all rule and all authority and power.”

But, lo, I learned something during this spiritual journey: I am no more a lawyer. I no more say “I am a sectarian and a religious fanatic.” instead of “Hi”. If I meet fascists, I can lie to them that I am not a Jew. (Who follows the law is under God’s curse.)

But why the Gospel says not to deny Christ before men? Read in the context:

(Mt. 10) “31 Fear you not therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows. 32 Whoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. 33 But whoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.”

We should not deny Christ because we should be not afraid, not for some other reason (not by the law that we should not do so). I was afraid mother who beat me by the head that I go mad. But finally it led to a good: I stopped to be a “lawyer”.

(Luk. 12) “3 Therefore whatever you have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which you have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed on the housetops. 4 And I say to you my friends, Be not afraid of them that kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do. 5 But I will forewarn you whom you shall fear: Fear him, which after he has killed has power to cast into hell; yes, I say to you, Fear him. 6 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? 7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: you are of more value than many sparrows. 8 Also I say to you, Whoever shall confess me before men, him shall the Son of man also confess before the angels of God: 9 But he that denies me before men shall be denied before the angels of God.”

This means that they can damage our brains, but they cannot damage the backup at the heaven (soul). We should not fear people, that is assume that they can do worse for us. As I said above, beating and starving me finally made me better (I ceased to be a “lawyer”). It was very fearful but with a positive result. We should not take the decision to deny Christ by our soul. That’s more important.

Well, how then about my formula (see above) which was in danger to be lost? Shouldn’t I deny Christ for the benefit of other people?

(Is. 43:4) “Since you were precious in my sight, you have been honorable, and I have loved you: therefore will I give men for you, and nations for your life.” God killed nations (!) for the purpose of making me humble. It is not that I worth it, but that He found an especially proud and “legalistic” man and decided to show to the angels how He can make me humble and based on grace.

By the way, how he has killed nations for every Christian? There is not enough nations for every one of us! I think, he simply eliminated not yet born nations.

My math formula costs less. Therefore, I should not have denied Christ for the benefit of human mathematics.

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