It seemed very weird that God allowed us to suffer despite we spread the Gospel and as it seemed were aligned to His purpose.
I was unable to understand why I was dying from hunger in a non-Protestant country Russia for refusing to reject the Gospel but religiously losing the protective sense of shame to tell about my religion every time I would want to tell about it, causing nobody wanting to speak with me, instead of for example opening a porn business and using the money for spreading the Gospel and for financing my scientific research which seems worth trillions of dollars for mankind much of which were lost because of my personal poverty because of my attempt to follow the Gospel. Moreover, if I didn’t “confess the Gospel”, I could be able to be a well-paid math professor now instead of working for free and therefore not in much need of porn for Gospel. It was very unclear why God directed me to a path with trillions of dollars lost. Moreover, I started a spiritual war demanding wars in my prayers to protect my silly path (total destruction of Russia was planned by me), creating the risk of total destruction of mankind. Even worse, as I realized as I was confused, the angels could be also confused about my silly path on the Earth, and thus heavenly calculating power seemed to be spent in vain to address my silly issues. This last thing, to be noted, is much worse than for example total destruction of mankind.
Finally, I realized: It composes together well if we understand the true purpose of Jesus. My suffering, trillions of dollars lost in the way, beating me, my confusion all align well with His purpose:
His purpose was that we take Eucharist as rarely as possible. If I am so poor that I cannot buy a piece of bread for the Eucharist, then I am perfectly aligned with His purpose. He didn’t want us to eat His flesh, or rather to eat because it is a will of the Father, but as little as possible.
(Mt. 26:39) “And he having going forward, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass away from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as you will.” But I Corinthians 11:25 explains “This cup is the new testament in my blood.” Thus it reads: “And he having doing further progress, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let New Testament in my blood pass away from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as you will.” Jesus wanted the New Testament to pass away, us to stop taking “this cup”. Or it can be translated: “Let this cup get away from me as much as possible, provided that Your will will be done.” That is Jesus wanted us to take the Eucharist as little as possible, under the condition that the Father’s will will be indeed done.
When I realized (from other verses of the Bible) that New Testament has the condition of self-termination and that God’s will is to terminate it, I like a lawyer requested termination of New Testament in my prayer. Now the New Testament is a terminated contract. Now bread and wine is just bread and wine. We have the best good news: Jesus was delivered.
And why heavenly calculating power, the mind of Christ, was used as it seemed in vain? (Heb. 5:8-9) “8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; 9 And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation to all them that obey him.” Suffering means using his calculating power in an inefficient way. But it in some way had a purpose, “to learn obedience” (whatever this means).
Read my free e-book End of Gospel for further information.