When I tried to follow the Gospel, I noticed a number of problems:
The main problem can be formulated as follows: whatever option I consider, there was something wrong with it, and not just “not right”, but “not right at all”. I could compare myself with a paralyzed man, but instead of the broken nerves, I was “stuck” going over the variants and could not stop at any variant.
I needed to understand how not to “betray” God. But to betray God is to do such a small thing as saying: “I am not of Christ” or “I do not believe” or something like that. But such a small statement looks less than many other sins. But we know that to betray God is a very great sin. As a result, I got confused: enumerating various sins, I “looped” them: the first sin is worse than the second, the second is worse than the third, and so on, later in a circle: the Nth sin is worse than the first sin in the list. Any sin was worse than the worst. I am completely confused: what is good and what is evil. As a result, I was left with only one way (I knew that it was wrong, but I did not know any other way) to determine what was sin and what was not. And this way: do nothing for your own benefit. If I am guided by this criterion, I sift out sinful deeds, but along with them, we also sift out many good things, like a child who was splashed out with water in a joke. Thus, entangled in sins: which one is less, which one is more, I was not able to earn money.
I saw something not to do absolutely: to betray God, to become His enemy, to refuse grace, to condemn others, etc. I realized that I could not draw the line between what I couldn’t do in any way i do. I found myself in exactly the situation of a blind man on the roof of a skyscraper without fencing. I do not know where the border is, which means any step can be fatal. In other words, I could not do anything. I am stuck.
Many preachers said that it was not necessary to understand why God established his commandments, but simply to fulfill them. But without understanding why we need a particular commandment, I could not understand where its “boundaries” are. Without borders – I’m a blind on the roof of a skyscraper without a fence.
That is, practically no matter what I tried to do, it turned out to do either nothing or harm. My life began to consist almost exclusively of heavy moral dilemmas.
Everything became unlimitedly complicated: mathematicians call such tasks NP problems: complexity grows exponentially (in a geometric progression). In practice, the tasks have become unsolvable.
Another problem: I do not understand the exact meaning of the words from the Gospel. It can often be understood in different ways and often even vice versa. This further exacerbates the previously mentioned problems.
The first thing that comes to mind: stop trying to live the Bible at all. Not yet matured (the Greek word ev-angelion – the rules of correct behavior for angels, and I am still a man). But I thought that God had given me a certain mission , this as an order in the army cannot be ignored. If so, I decided, it’s better even if I will do something wrong and it will turn out not what I’m trying to do, but at least I will do something, not what I myself plan, but something else, what God plans to do through me.
I tried to abandon earthly principles and live in heavenly way as far as I can, but it was not a thing: it turned out that it is clearly and undoubtedly almost entirely controlled by some Baals, who generally should not be served. Well, for example on the issue of money.
What is the stop trying to live by the Bible altogether? There are options:
- lie down and look at the ceiling for several decades;
- live an ordinary human life;
- do business without special moral restrictions and live for yourself;
- try to live by the leading of the Spirit without the Bible;
- devote their lives to science or, for example, politics, without the preaching of Christianity;
- commit suicide.
Another option: to refuse to follow the details of the Gospel and live according to its main principles. But it didn’t work out that way either: Every time I tried it, some small detail turned out to be fundamental, like a small prop, without which the whole system would fall.
And one yet serious problem: the New Testament refers to the Old Testament and when you try to fulfill the New Testament, willy-nilly, it turns out that you begin to fulfill the details of the Old, even if not directly, but in a spiritual sense. And we know that those who are living by law are under a curse. I lived just under a curse: a beggar, sometimes hungry, unrecognized by anyone, conflicting with everyone, powerless, sometimes beaten and also confused in philosophy, theology and morality.
So, with regard to our contract with God (the covenant), there is only one way out: we must apply self-cancellation of the contract. It is necessary for the Gospel to abolish itself, otherwise we have no choice. The era of the church and the Gospel ends, it is very important. Read my texts.