Almost everyone I met: Baptists, Charismatic Pentecostals, Russian Orthodoxes, atheists, common people, officials, judges, schoolchildren, elders, parents, relatives, strangers tried to force me to renounce my religious beliefs. Often it was expressed directly, such as “say that you disagree with …”, “say that you agree with …”, often less clearly, this is not the essence.
I was in such a situation that if I professed my religion, then I had problems (called religious discrimination). Discrimination reached the point that I almost died of hunger. I was also persistently sent to the place where they knocked me with a frying pan to the head: like “everyone should be in his place”, “mother is holy”. And I had no money to leave the city. Where does the money from the poor child prodigy may come from? It’s called “murder”.
By the way, here is the story of my life.
The killing was intentional: Even when asked why they do it, people often directly answered like “so that you die” or something more educated and even sometimes religious, but with the same meaning. Even if they did not directly speak, the goal was directly traced: to transfer me along the chain to the very bottom of the society precisely with the goal that the homeless or something like that would kill me. Everyone in the chain knows that the next one in the chain will pass me on to death. So everybody was an intentional killer.
This was because I knew the sins of the people. A little bit of psychoanalysis, a little bit of logic and what is in their heart is obvious. I wanted to stop judging, but how? Remember the philosopher who told his student “Do not think about monkeys”, trying to fulfill the order of the teacher only of the monkeys he could think. So I could not stop judging.
You see, such a vicious circle: for the fact that I judged people, they wanted to kill me, for the fact that they wanted to kill me, I judged them. This is probably not the whole point of the issue, but its main component.
I began to get the impression that the whole world specifically worked in such a way as to make me renounce my beliefs.
Then one day I realized that I had a theological mistake . This is probably the most important thing in my life to correct this mistake. Be sure to read my articles and books about this error.
It was worth dying for. And if it was worth it, those who killed me were right. I have nothing more to judge them. And I can’t call what they did stupid: after all, they achieved exactly what they wanted, my renunciation of old theology.
Apparently it was precisely for this that the Lord did all this: in order to save us from this mistake in religion, so that we would stop judging each other.